


Say This (The Truth Can Be Hard To Say)

by chemiglee



Series: Not Like This [2]
Category: Glee
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-21
Updated: 2013-07-21
Packaged: 2017-12-20 21:08:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/891872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chemiglee/pseuds/chemiglee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tina didn’t expect that Finn, of all people, would be the right person to talk to, but he is.  </p><p>Fic in the Not Like This ‘verse, after chapter 4, Say This.  Finntina friendship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Say This (The Truth Can Be Hard To Say)

Tina got to the auditorium early. If she had more energy, she would dance, but the piano might do the trick. The metronome sat smugly on its shining black top, silently judging her lack of ability to put together a coherent melody, so she just smashed the same keys together, over and over.

Out of the corner of her eye, a blur of green and burgundy rugby stripes and khakis swam closer to the bench. She didn’t smile. She didn’t stop, even after he seated himself down next to her on the bench and watched her fling random notes around the empty stage like a hailstorm.

Finn put his clasped hands in his lap and nudged her with his shoulder. He pitched his voice louder to try to pierce the noise. “Hey, Tina."

She stopped playing and scowled down at a G key instead. All her frustration bubbled over, and Finn was as good a target as any. "Are you going to tell me to shut up?” She tossed her head. “We’re not in Glee right now and I’m not taking that from you today."

"No, I’m not. Just wanted to come by, you know, see how you were all doing. You know, after the gun thing happened."

 _Yeah, that_. "I’m fine, Finn. You don’t have to worry yourself about me. I’m fine."

"Doesn’t sound like you’re fine."

She crossed her arms, tight, across her chest, and turned on the bench to face him, eyes stony. "Since when were you interested in how I was doing? You’re always so preoccupied with the others.” Her nostrils flared. “You were a star in our group, so it’s just _natural_ to focus on the stars in this one."

"Well, yeah, I… might have shut you down in front of everyone and that wasn’t cool.” Finn scratched the back of his head. “I just have to keep Glee practices going, you know? I should’ve talked to you later."

"Yeah, you should have."

Her anger blew through her and out. She slammed a thumb down on middle C. 

Finn winced, but he persisted. “It’s not a bad thing to be support. You’re an offensive lineman."

"They protect the quarterback. They help the team score," Tina parroted. 

“You can’t score without the lineman,” Finn said patiently.

"I’m okay with that, but not all the time. That’s all I want, Finn, a chance.” She flared up, and all of her deal just gooped out into an oily, sticky mess. It sizzled and smoked and then it produced fire. She escalated. “I want a song that doesn’t get interrupted or that’s not just in my imagination, where I’m standing up in front of people that are there to hear me. I don’t mean singing in the courtyard. I want a real one on stage. Why can’t I have it? Just one, because it’d say the world does like me, and then they’ll applaud and then I can convince myself _I_ like me. _Why can’t you give that to me?_ Oh, I know why. You’re _barely_ a teacher."

She dropped her chin and banged away at middle C, over and over, and her face burned as the tones hit each other head on and then died off.

Finn’s misery was painfully obvious. “I don’t know why, Tina.”

“Yeah, you do know. You don’t think I’m good enough.”

“It’s not that. You’re stronger as support than when you’re out in front.”

“How do you know? You haven’t even tried to put me out there.”

“Be fair, Tina,” he pleaded. “You got Gangnam Style.”

"You just assumed I’d be the best choice for it because I’m Asian.”

“It was because you were the best choice for the part.”

She challenged, “So how was I the best choice, then?”

“Psy is a great dancer. So are you! And the way you sing it was so, ya know, like you were flirting with the audience!”

“Look at how that ended,” Tina snapped.

Finn’s patience was running dry. “Marley was sick. And I didn’t hear you complain when I first offered it to you. You couldn’t grab on to it fast enough.”

“Yeah, well.” She subsided. “I should have gotten a shot at other solos, though. You can’t deny that, either.” She slammed down on middle C again.

“Point taken.” 

Finn felt around and found a different tack, something else to try to get her to see it. “Hey, just because we got solos more, doesn’t mean we always liked ourselves more, either."

"Star quarterback, star of Glee club. The world kept on telling you that you were” – she made sarcastic air quotes – “great."

Finn’s mouth tightened up. Tina saw the pain flash across his face and then fade, and his clipped tone made the words that followed sting a hell of a lot more. “Get off the pity train, Tina. You just get so stuck on being mad, you know that?" 

Her nose scrunched up, and she broke off the retort that flared up, metallic and stinging, in her throat. She felt _that look_ gather clouds on her face. He moved on, swiftly now, before she got up and stormed out of the room. 

"Yeah, Glee opened me up. It got me to see that I wasn’t just a quarterback. I could be a leader for anything. I got solos. But when Blaine came along, I thought I’d get shut down. I was jealous. Blaine’s a really talented guy and he’s a better dancer, but he needed me, too. Glee needs all of us or we aren’t great and you help make us great."

She sat back down on her temper and wiped a tear away. "Isn’t it fair that I get a solo that I can finish?"

He put his arm about her shoulders. That was rare. Their paths hadn’t crossed that often, but she recognized the comfort he was trying to give, and that brightened her up a little. "I know it would be fair. I hope you do. I’d cheer for you. But you know…" and his voice trailed off, “I can’t predict stuff. Sometimes it doesn’t work out. We need to win, and the coach puts the strongest people out there, you know?”

She huffed at him.

“Why is it that a bunch of solos is the only thing that will make you happy? What are you gonna do when you get them and you find out you aren’t?”

She glared at him.

“It shouldn’t take a hall full of applause or a full solo for you to realize how good you are.”

“But you want to be a teacher, Finn. Teachers are supposed to let everyone shine.”

“I know, but you think that shining is only singing solos. It isn’t.”

She put her face in her hands. 

His matter-of-fact statement stunned her into silence long enough for Finn to hug her closer. And when she spoke at last, forlorn, it was empty of pretense or artery-clogging rage.

"I just want to be told I’m just as good and in Glee that’s how you’re told you’re good. No – I want people to show me that and it then doesn’t happen and I feel bad. And then I say crap and do stuff that’s ugly - " a ripple crossed over her face - “and then I hate myself even more for it. I’m tired of feeling small. So I try to sound big. And I get mad again because people don’t listen. It’s just a never-ending cycle.”

More tears slipped down her cheeks.

Finn took a tissue out of his pants pocket and offered it to her. "I get that. And yeah, I admit it. You swayed more in the background than you wanted to. And I didn’t always listen or tell you how great you are.”

“And it wasn’t right,” and like that, she snapped right back into regular Tina. She haughtily ignored the tissue and wiped the back of her hand across her face. “If I’m as good a singer as you say, I should get more time in the spotlight. I shouldn’t be ignored.”

“I’m pretty sure it didn’t feel right. I’m sorry for that. But you’re not useless. You’re not small.”

“It’s easier to believe you’re great when you’ve got a big role to begin with.”

Teaching was hard. Finn’s own teachers had made it look so easy. Then again – he shrugged mentally – driving looked easy on the outside too, until you actually drove and you hit unsuspecting postal workers in a horrible way and you realize that driving is not easy or difficult but it is complicated. 

Kids are complicated. He tried again.

“A bigger role doesn’t always make you feel good. Remember my Foreigner idea? I felt like I was the worst teacher in the world. Being a teacher is a big deal, you know?"

She laughed and took the tissue from him and blew her nose. “And then you were the Almighty Treble Clef. I’m not going to lie. The Foreigner thing was horrible. But Dynamic Duets was… better than expected?"

"Right? I’m still gonna suck as a teacher for a while. But you really gotta get yourself over the bumps, because there’s going to be a lot of those and if we get hung up on them, we won’t get better. Know what I mean?"

"Yeah," she replied, slowly, and his words slipped through a crack and lodged snugly in her mind, right there. "I know that. I promise to tell myself that. Over and over. I can’t get stuck. I just have to keep on going. I’m beginning to think I never knew myself at all. Maybe that’s why I don’t like myself all that much. Maybe I need to work harder. But – “and she flared white-hot again – “I’m not going to be quiet anymore when things aren’t fair.”

“You shouldn’t be. You can be angry.”

“All I want are more chances.”

“That’s all I want, too. I just can’t promise you’ll get everything you want.”

She tilted her head and gave him a sidelong glance. “Maybe I should have come and talked to you before. But now, I don’t have an excuse. I don’t agree with you all the time, but that doesn’t mean I don’t like you. You’re a big pile of heart."

"You’re right about a lot of things.”

“Yeah. I know.”

Finn grinned. “We all have things we need to work on and we have things we’re good at. In the end, you have to move forward, like yourself for who you are, and then you’ll get there, wherever there is." 

Her voice lowered, got somber. “I guess it is okay to go on, even if you’re still looking back at people you wish were with you now."

They sat there, in silence, while the metronome ticked on. You forget about a heartbeat sometimes, Tina reflected, because you think it will always be there. Finn and Rachel had always led the group and she’d gotten used to it. And then, all of a sudden, he’d been calling the shots. At the time, she’d thought angrily: What could he offer them? He was a good singer, but not a great dancer. But what Finn could _teach_ and what _Finn_ could teach were two different things. The truth drummed steadily on, like a heartbeat. No, he wasn’t perfect, but he undeniably had a gift for helping people realize theirs - even though she could tell he’d still frustrate her in the future. 

But, despite that lesson, learned so hard that week, she couldn’t bring herself to say this. In that space of time, Finn moved his arm away. “You know," he said, as he nudged her in the ribs, “not that Coach Sue’s gun thing was something I wanted to happen, but when I heard, I just wanted to come in and hug everyone. I’m glad I talked to you. Life’s too short."

"We needed to say what we mean to say?"

"Yeah. And I like you, Tina. I’m glad I get a chance to say that."

"Me too," she said shyly. "I like you, too." 

Sometimes a gesture said more than words ever could. So, here was the gesture. She threw her arms out and bowled Finn over. She hugged him fiercely and a little surprised laugh bubbled out of his lips. And it was a little awkward at first, but as she nudged her nose between his shoulder and his collarbone, trust flowed from him to her in waves. It felt like she was really worthy of it. And she was. She could almost hear clapping in the auditorium, or maybe that was herself, cheering on herself.

"Let’s pick out something to sing together before the bell rings." Tina’s words muffled themselves in Finn’s shirt. "That’s another thing, too. I never got to sing with you before. I want to fix that. Let’s sing something happy and fun." Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick.

"Pick the song, Tina, and I’d love to sing it with you." She heard his smile. "You’ll have to let go of me, though."

“You’ll always be a friend. I’ll never, ever let go of that.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to my beta, amongsoulsandshadows, on Tumblr.


End file.
